New blog, new power rankings. It’s amazing — when you actually have to rank the teams, you realize how many terrible teams there are in the NFL there are this year. The top of the list was easy… the bottom was like picking whether you liked going to the dentist more than paying your electric bill.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs — The easy No. 1 for me. Patrick Mahomes is the best player in football and proves it week-in, week-out. He won’t have one ring for long.
  2. Buffalo Bills — Injuries are starting to mount up for Buffalo, but as long as Josh Allen is playing, they’re the second best team in football. Until they prove they’re no longer a cursed franchise, it’s hard to put them at the top.
  3. Philadelphia Eagles — They can beat you with physicality and they can beat you throwing the ball. Good luck stopping this team in January.
  4. San Francisco 49ers — The most talented roster in the NFL, and in a wide open NFC, the 9ers should be the favorite as long as Jimmy G doesn’t mess it up.
  5. Miami Dolphins — Hand up, I thought the nerd wouldn’t be able to coach. Turns out he knows what he’s doing. They’re the most physical track team the NFL has seen in a long time.
  6. Dallas Cowboys — If this roster was on any team other than the Cowboys, they’d be a Super Bowl threat. Yet it is Dallas, which means Mike McCarthy and company will find a way to choke away a game during the Wild Card Round (most likely against Brady’s Bucs).
  7. Cincinnati Bengals — At some point the lack of offensive line will catch up to Cincy, but for now, that offense is too loaded to not reach the postseason. The defense, who went in and bullied the bullies in Tennessee on Sunday, doesn’t get enough credit.
  8. Baltimore Ravens — Quietly a bad roster, Lamar keeps this team relevant during the regular season. I still have questions about whether you win with their style of play in the postseason.
  9. Minnesota Vikings — Until Kirk Cousins proves he can consistently beat good teams, I have a hard time believing in Minnesota.
  10. Tennessee Titans — The bullies are a team nobody wants to see down the stretch, but lack the firepower to be true contenders.
  11. New England Patriots — It’s make-or-break on Thursday against Buffalo, who hasn’t punted against Belichick’s defense in eight-plus quarters.
  12. Seattle Seahawks — If you don’t believe in Geno, you’re no fun. It’s almost like Pete Carroll and company know what they’re doing up there and the Russ trade might go down as one of the best in league history.
  13. New York Jets — The most overrated team in the league should be in for a nice reality check down the stretch.
  14. New York Giants — The second most overrated team in the league is in for even more of a reality check down the stretch.
  15. Tampa Bay Bucs — The Bucs are terrible, Todd Bowles can’t coach (as if we didn’t know this after his time with the Jets), but you will never find me counting a Brady team out in the postseason, especially if they draw Dallas in the Wild Card.
  16. Los Angeles Chargers — If Dean Spanos would just pay for a good coach and not one who makes his decisions based on what a computer tells him, the Chargers would be a top 10 team. With the moron running things, they’re a borderline playoff team.
  17. Washington Commanders — Maybe Jeff Bezos will finally be able to end the quarterback woes in the capital.
  18. Vegas Raiders — Nobody has bet on the Raiders and lost more than me this year. Yet I can’t quit them.
  19. Atlanta Falcons — Arthur Smith gets the most out of this roster, one that is still years away from being competitive.
  20. Chicago Bears — Is Justin Fields any good? Can he throw the ball? Can the Bears put a team around him where we’ll find out? I have my doubts.
  21. Green Bay Packers — Does Aaron Rodgers have any hallucinogenics to help Packer fans forget this season?
  22. Detroit Lions — Macho Man Campbell has his team playing hard, but that defense
  23. Jacksonville Jaguars — Now that the Urban Meyer stink is wearing off, the Jaguars are starting to play like a competent NFL team.
  24. Arizona Cardinals — Kyler only cares about Kyler and Kliff is an idiot. They better hope Sean Payton wants to spend his later years in Glendale.
  25. Cleveland Browns — Browns fans talked about Baker like his he was the second coming of Jesus. What are they going to do know that they have an actually talented quarterback?
  26. Los Angeles Rams — Selling your sole for a ring has its consequences. This time next year McVay will be in the Amazon booth with Al Michaels, Stafford and Donald will be retired on a beach and Cooper Kupp will be catching passes in Foxboro (one can dream).
  27. Pittsburgh Steelers — Bad roster, bad quarterback, bad run game, bad offensive line, bad defense. Other than that, everything’s good.
  28. Indianapolis Colts — Who would have thought that the shitty ESPN analyst wouldn’t be a good NFL head coach? Can’t wait to see who the Pill Popper hires next.
  29. New Orleans Saints — It’s almost like trading a future first round pick isn’t a great idea when Jameis Winston and Andy Dalton are your quarterbacks.
  30. Carolina Panthers — I went to a Patriots-Panthers preseason game this summer and was stunned that PJ Walker was playing in the NFL. The fact that he’s started six games tells you all you need to know about what this franchise’s top need is this spring.
  31. Denver Broncos — Imagine spending almost five billion dollars for a football team only to realize you have to pay Russell Wilson 50 million a year on top of it? No team has a bleaker future than Denver.
  32. Houston Texans — If we were ranking things that are boring, the Texans would slide in between knitting and watching paint dry.